Some people demonstrate a refreshing naivette by wanting everything good all the way through life. Wouldn’t we all want that? In fact, the truth is, much in life is a tradeoff. Everything has a price to pay, even the so called “goodness”. I would like to improvise a popular saying this way: “I am responsible for what I say and do but I am not responsible for how you understand or interpret it.” Therein lies the catch! However “good” the intention is, we don’t really have a control over the mind of others.
Every day, we set our goals for the day and act accordingly. But, is it so simple? We have to make choices all the time. And making choices means letting something go in favor of retaining that which is more important. Often , it also means letting people go out of your life as a trade off for, maybe, less conflict and stress, more peace, duty towards someone in particular, a gradual neutralization of emotion , guarding oneself from hurt and maybe many other reasons.
I have realized that in some cases, we move away naturally and there doesn’t seem to be a price to pay. Yet, there may be a twinge of regret while thinking of the phase of happiness which is now past and that might leave a residue of emotion which needs to be cleared. Along with this, there also needs to be a deeper understanding that for all of us, it is the karmic balance sheet that is at work. When an event in our life comes, has its impact , it is up to us to either let it go as a lesson learnt, or hold on to it pouring wasted energy of negative emotions like anger, sadness, a feeling of being cheated and so on.
Similarly, relationships take their toll on us when attachment becomes an obsession. The imbalance created as a result spirals towards a depletion of energy and consequently, we pay a price by ending the relationship.
I see people paying a huge price in maintaining friendships. Individuals forming “close” groups also become “closed” groups. The individual preferences of each among the group have to be sacrificed to an extent as a price of conforming to the unwritten rules of that group, even if they are not palatable to one or more people in the group. I have seen friends changing color and dropping friends when they choose to associate with the rich and the famous in the hope that a little bit of the stardust will come their way, never mind if it is only “dust”. They prefer the leftover dust from a star than the light of a sincere and loyal friend who apparently is of no value but may actually be a shining star in the relationship.
So, these tags are directly connected with the aspirations of people, their brand of self esteem, their modes of behavior and their attitudes towards people, events and life in general. These considerations determine their preferences and actions. Thus, we see tradeoffs between success and loyalty, fair play and foul play, personal gains and justice for all, etc.
Many get stuck within their own reactions, retaliations, playing the blame game and being judgmental. Moving forward is for those who can, with a clear perception and intellect, make the choices for their own evolution and growth. There is always a voice within that tells us where we need to go. But we have to pass through the events brought on by old “karma” to be decidedly and inevitably experienced in the “now”. The ignorance of “karma” and the lack of understanding that we are paying a price for what we have done earlier is like wearing a crown of thorns at the time. If we perceive these events as adversities coming our way and react to them, this would only build up a new negative body of “karma”.
All this changes when a deeper understanding dawns. This is when we are actually able to “see” why things happen, what they are supposed to do for us and what must be our attitude when we are experiencing them. As soon as this understanding dawns, we also understand where our choices could have been better and how we can better our choices in future on the basis of the new awareness and insights we have acquired.
As long as we have a free will, our choices make the existence of price tags inevitable. Maturity lies in paying the price willingly and with an understanding that we are doing this in the interest of ourselves and all around us. It boils down to the fact that we must make enlightened choices to eliminate the “price tag” perception, because that is what price tags actually are – a perception.
Surekha Kothari
Surekha Kothari 