Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for April, 2018


Bringing up children to be wholesome individuals within the current context of complications, confusion, complexes and all sorts of mental corruption is a huge challenge. Many couples who think that having children is step 2 after marriage may please the family members around them but they themselves may not be ready as in mature enough, to become parents. To be responsible adults also means being brought up well by YOUR parents because you will only pass on to the kids what you know or the way you are.

Naturally then, the children will generally imbibe your teachings. If you look around at families, gone are the bonding families where sets of parents and cousins are closely attached to each other. Sadly, the children of siblings who develop distances due to small and insignificant issues invariably influence their children to maintain those distances, a huge part of their insecurities.

The other things that happen are natural consequences of adult behavior. The kids begin to tell the parents what they want to hear. Whenever unity is not prevalent, kids tend to take advantage by talking against the people their parents don’t like. And the parents seem to endorse this because of wanting control over their kids. So, wrong becomes right. And the complexes of adult issues percolate to their children.

Growing up, these kids prefer friends to family and thus, families get more and more divided. And the odd people who can cement the frayed relationships are themselves victims of these myopic attitudes.

I can understand that everyone is human. But if the basic family love is maintained, all else can be forgiven and forgotten and kids can grow up healthy and respectful. Many a time, it takes just one complexes person in the family to begin its end. And that person is usually in denial of being the initiator,  small tear in a beautiful fabric which, if not darned immediately, tends to become bigger and bigger.

And after a point, the fabric must be discarded because you can’t even darn it anymore. Many families have been torn apart and today what we call insular family units are units without limbs and heart. Collections of units joined together forms unity. And in the absence of unity, only units function in society today.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Advertisements

Read Full Post »


We humans are so brilliant at forcing things to happen. Actually, we don’t realize it but we are forcing the hand of God. Everything happens at the right time but patience is not a virtue at the best of times.

Remember the story of the cocoon that was forced open before time for the butterfly to emerge but it resulted only in its destruction.

Everything happens as preordained. The birth of a child, the ripening of fruit on the tree, the rise and set of the sun , the waxing and waning of the moon, a wedding of two people, dawn and dusk… even our destiny unfolding. It is such an egoistic illusion that we do anything.

Forcing something before time upsets the natural balance and the order of things. If we look back, we can remember several such incidents. The only way it works is watch as life unfolds and let it determine the direction of the flow.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Read Full Post »


It is so true that different people get different things from any one component. Let’s take social media. Some hate it. They find facebook, instagram etc. too impersonal or even invasive. Then you have those who love to make “friends” who they can be the best of themselves with safety in acquaintance. There are also those who want to connect with old friends they have lost touch with. Some feel less lonely when they communicate on a facebook.

Similarly, I do think it is possible to extract the best for oneself from every episode, every person and everything else, too. Just depends on the attitude and mental dexterity, not to mention intelligence.

If I know something is good for me, I should be able to pursue it without prejudice and recourse to any kind of cloudiness in the mind. I can’t understand why anyone should judge without experience. And why I should let myself get swept away beyond my purpose and even after my need is fulfilled. I believe one can try anything new if one knows where to draw the line.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Read Full Post »


Paramahansa Yogananda says: “Love cannot be had for the asking; it comes only as a gift from the heart of another”.

Such wisdom! We tend to expect that love should automatically come to us from certain people, like parents, siblings, spouses etc. Not only expect it but we would like to determine the quality, extent and intensity, too. It is all about personal needs whereas love is a fountain from the heart. If that fountain is minimized or shut down at will, or through traumatic circumstances, it will not be forthcoming.

I know of a case where this person felt so unloved that she neglected an obvious ailment just so that she would get attention. And later, when she regretted the neglect, it was too late and she passed on, a sheer case of expecting love from a source that had none to give.

Yes, our hearts need to be open to love and to receive it as well. And love cannot be demanded. It has to be a gift given willingly and out of love.

I have been told, “I am very loving but I don’t know why I never get it”. These are perspectives. Love is given in different ways by different people and not exactly the way we want it. Some love silently and are not demonstrative. Some love less but show more though there IS love here too. Some show their caring by making life easier for their near and dear ones but never say, “I love you”.

We have to have eyes in our hearts as it were, to see, to perceive love in its multiple forms and formats.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Read Full Post »


Festivals define relationships. They are laced with sadness sometimes when, for example, you lose a near and dear one. As in case of losing a sibling and going through the day of Raksha Bandhan. They are poignant memories.

Although we know that roles keep

Changing in every life, attachment to form and feelings, the energy connections are pretty binding. They are very strong. The missing is inevitable. The grieving is personal and private while you smile and go through the motions of the rituals attached to festivals.

Such is life. Such is the effect of loss.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Read Full Post »


Spaces really intrigues me. I have lived in all shapes and sizes of homes with small rooms and not so small rooms. People say space defines a human being. I wonder? Does it really?

I would rather concentrate on the space within. I have seen highly spiritual people live within a very tiny space. And I have also seen people living in mansions whose inner space is very small and restricted.

Sometimes, I think the larger the space within; the less is the desire to acquire external space. Because any space which is external would be limited as compared to our inner “Akash”. Anyway, it’s not as if the acquisition of a humongous amount of space would be put to good use. It would probably be a constantly inflating ego that would occupy the large space and reside there indefinitely, and sometimes permanently.

Whereas, the deeper memories are of small homes filled with love and warmth, a small kitchen with just two items cooked lovingly, of dormitory style sleeping amidst giggles and much joy. Of elders becoming like kids amidst kids. And who also taught us the meaning of life in all its simplicity where people loved people and used things.

Today, people are used and things are loved and times will change again and yet again.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Read Full Post »


We generally live in a hypocritical society. In families too, there are different behavioral patterns demanded of different people. No one yardstick. I have heard this line ad nauseum since childhood.” You do the right thing. Never mind what others do”. Really! It sounds like a wonderful line but can be a terrible line as well.

What is expected behavior from an elder child of the family or an imported family member like a daughter in law is different from that of the younger people. Much leeway is given to the latter. Why? I have never understood this. What is good for one should be taught to or expected from the others too.

Over a period of time then, what happens is that responsibility falls only on the person doing the “right” thing , willingly or out of force and expected. And the others are super quick in taking the advantage. I have often said that injustice done over and over again to the “right” doer will reach a crescendo one day and that day, there is a possibility of a volcano eruption. All the rules will get destroyed in the lava of bottled up anger.

I would not advocate this system itself, because the ultimate results are drastic and painful. Indian parents are famous for installing this system and igniting many issues. Different rules for girls and boys, different rules for the daughters and daughters in law, different rules for the older and younger. And so on.

¬†So many reactions due to so much suppression of the spirit bordering on injustice among family members. And then they cry about families breaking up! You dare not speak up even if someone is being the cause of division of the family. “Do the right thing”. KEEP QUIET and LET IT BE. Wow! What a destructive mantra, right? You only have to see the results to know this.

Frankness and straightforwardness should pay if we are not complicated and do things in the right spirit, with the right intentions and good will and without silly rules that divide more than unite people.

And I do feel injustice MUST be expressed to stop the tyranny of the perpetrators. The popular theory of mother in law and daughter in law , warring family members, the tendencies of usurpation of finance and power etc. are already spelling a death knell for families and in turn, societies. The tragedy is: no one cares anymore and no one stops to think. And I think all this has happened because individuals have not been given their due, their freedom of spirit and equal respect to be they and interact with others on their own steam.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »