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Life is all about defeating yourself to becoming a better “you”. Isn’t it? But we keep trying to defeat others to feel stronger, superior. What a futile and exhausting task we set ourselves! Reminds me of the story of the man who was sitting on the branch of the tree he was cutting. Which sane person does that?

We take on so many self defeating exercises to show others, whereas the fact is, we need to show ourselves what we can do. Others will see it by and by. And even if they don’t, do we live for ourselves or for others? A very important question and with this answer, we will create our life.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Of late, I have begun to question many belief systems. And one of them is the definition of loyalty. How far do we stretch to prove we are loyal ? And why do we need to prove loyalty ? Do we need to see reciprocity in loyalty ? Or is it a bit like unconditional love where you must be loyal but not look for loyalty as a return. Is this what people call owing allegiance to ?

Sometimes, when a relationship goes through stormy weather, out of pique and hurt, we cease to be loyal. We speak against people. Should we be like that ? Can we live with that ? Or is it better to just let them go and walk away ? Or, is loyalty standing still , come what may ?

Hmmm. An interesting introspection with a review of our past years . Where and when did we exercise our choice for and against loyalty and what we now need to learn.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Someone asked me what one should do if someone hurts you with either speech or behavior. It becomes simple when: You accept that getting hurt is choice we make.

When you accept that the one you get hurt by is unhappy in some way and reacts in a way that hurts you and that we are attached to that behavior personally with our ego

Just as anything you throw at a wall will fall on the ground after hitting the wall, so much other people’s deeds fall to the ground if YOU let them.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Pile up


Right from the time we become adults, we accumulate and hoard. Then, in the sunset years, we need to declutter and give away. Similarly, we build larger homes and then shrink them into apartments. We know that everything has to be downsized ultimately. Yet, we keep accumulating more than we actually need.

I believe that the bigger the space you create the more clutter you will pile up. Every empty wall needs to be filled up.

Yet, our heart has huge spaces in it. We call it a void. Because
ironically we downsize the heart very early in life, which we are not supposed to. No clutter there. Whereas, the more full it is, the more abundance there would be; a completely opposite reality the main difference between the physical world and the non physical world.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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We indulge in many impression creating words like “empowerment”. Sounds… hmmm… Like a powerful word. Well, it is. But again, we dilute its significance by attributing the need for empowerment merely in women and then, in children. It seems to be by default that if men are not included, they are already empowered.

A truly empowered person cannot inflict pain or resort to sadism or abuse even remotely, precisely because “empowerment” is a sum total of many human qualities. We always hear that women need empowerment because they work against each other or don’t make productive use of their lives. Not to mention being second class citizens.

But, I think men could very well have men empowerment organizations where they learn how to respect, support and care for the womenfolk. AND teach their own kind to abstain from abuse of all kind just on the prowess of their physical strength as is evidenced by the rampant crime against women and children all through the world. After all, they were all born of women. When heinous crimes are committed, mothers and sisters are probably kept behind doors to be protected from people like themselves.

Capital crimes without capital punishment. Statistically, how many women rape and kill? And yet, THEY need the empowerment? Requires major thought, doesn’t it?

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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I have been discussing with my group about how marriages fall apart “suddenly” after 25 years and more. And I do believe that nothing happens suddenly. It is generally a long road fraught with many incompatibilities and underlying stress which is not spoken about by one or the other spouse to keep the peace in the house. One, big reason!

I think that under the obvious pattern of bitterness and blame lies a need for understanding why the distancing happens. We don’t even know when and how it starts; with a minor argument escalating into a minor war or small misunderstandings or a lack of friendship. Too much tendency to control; not enough respect? Trying to change each other; each trying to prevail over the other? Or simply not the marrying kind but forced to marry to please parents.

I feel a little disgusted when I hear parents telling their son to go ahead and be a man. In short, have a good time as long as you return to your wife. I asked one such mother, “suppose the woman you encouraged your son to philander with was YOUR daughter? The answer was so predictable. Aha! As long as it is not your daughter; doesn’t matter that the other girls are also someone’s daughters.

I know it is an old fashioned concept in the promiscuous society today. What I mean is, it is the moms who actually encourage their sons into these habits many a time.

But, coming back to breaking relationships, the now terribly obsolete theory of marriages surviving because of kids binding their parents together is more or less nonexistent.

Such sentiments have gone, never to return. Trying to put parents together is a counselor’s job. And going to a therapist is a social stigma, not to be spoken about. Many times, the husband doesn’t think HE needs it. Exactly like he doesn’t want to see a doctor when they only have daughters because it is always the woman’s fault that it is so yet; one more reason for a marriage in trouble.

And many of the reasons I have mentioned create a chain and relationships fray and fray and fray, until something just snaps one day. We call it “sudden” but is it really so sudden?

This is exactly like saying cancer happened overnight. No. It just showed up as a body manifestation overnight. It was building up for years like the lava of an active volcano.

Much introspection needed. Much conscious thought needed. Much maturity and intelligence needed.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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There is a very wise saying in Hindi which, translated, means, and “never throw stones in still waters”. Let things be. Let sleeping dogs lie. Don’t create ripples unnecessarily, so relevant for life and attitudes of people. When things are moving smoothly, there will always be people disturbing the peace, people who get restless when there is no problem. Peaceful

Existence also becomes intolerable for some. I think peace is also a habit, like any other. There are those who can’t live any other way. But living in a world of dualities, many will spring up around you to threaten your peace.

But, I wonder if that is not too placid a way to exist. That turbulence is also required to grow. If stones are not thrown into still waters, the water may stagnate. And sometimes, when you let sleeping dogs lie, your home may be burgled.

The core issue is to know when to and when not to throw a stone.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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