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We play many roles in this world. Familial ties are familiar ties because we are born and bred there. We generally build up a close bond while growing up together.

And then, we tie a “knot” in marriage and reset our lives according to a new person, a new family. And we expect that one person, the spouse, will play all the roles rolled into one, in our lives. Practically, that may not be true. Every human being in and around you fulfils a certain expectation in your life, gives you something different, including your spouse but not to the exclusion of everyone else, however happy your marriage might be.

Souls come and go and each one helps you to learn something. It may not be possible that all the traits you admire may be seen in one human being. Not even in you for that matter, though, thanks to yourself image, it may be easier for you to subscribe to that illusion.

That’s why most of us need to have cerebral, emotional and mental connects with several people, each fulfilling a need or needs as the case may be because expansion is our theme. We are vast, very vast. And we unconsciously try to reach out in that direction through soaking in all the aspects which contribute more

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I was talking to a friend about ways to keep a daily balance of mind. The two brilliant ways that come to mind are:

Mindful and watching your breath.

It has been my experience that with a regular practice of these two techniques, you will find your sadness/ depression/ conflict etc disappearing.

Mindfulness can also be described as being in a meditative state all day. Be IN the moment, whatever you may be doing. Train yourself because it may take some practice. But once you begin to experience the results, you will truly never go back to a state of unmindful. And it will help in curbing reactions and will help in being proactively responsive.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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I wrote this based on my observation of close bonds being diluted due to non communication :

The uneasy silence of unspoken words .

The strain of meeting as if all is well. The restless soul that feels this pain ,

And suffers in helplessness.

Of being so close but, oh ! So distant !

The boundary stretched across ,

Irrevocably perhaps ?

When and how did this happen ?

Only God would know !

As awareness , lost in the darkness of life’s events

Not retrieved , as time knocked out what could have been. …

Talk to me, for I am no stranger..

Tell me how you feel..

Surprise me with your warmth ..

I know it lurks somewhere within ..

Just break the barrier..

It can’t be so hard !

The other beseeches you

But you keep your ego intact.

Futile ! Think a while !

For cruel is time

And fragile is life.

Atone, amend, salvage the bonds

For, death stands just beyond that door..

And regrets and guilt an inch away from that door.

So, build bridges.

Rebuild the burnt ones

Reconstruct the old, loving patterns.

Let your heart be peaceful and content.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Love consistent


If you are able to return love for indifference, you have made it in life. The most difficult thing to do strangers doesn’t really come into this category. The hurt happens only when you face indifference from those who matter to you.

The important thing to know is that, many a time, the indifference you see may be a put on for concealing hurt. You may not know this if you find an accomplished actor opposite you. But even if you miss that, your policy of giving love consistently should make you peaceful and content from your side.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Even if I say so myself, our generation was taught well and specially in terms of consideration for one to be aware of our space and act circumspectly and respect the space of others. We also knew things like, you queue up on the left and let people move forward from the right. We never had cell phones back then but we knew that we were supposed to give way to the elders.

Today, just forget all this. Even airports and stations have become like parks. Not to mention malls huge crowds, some loitering while talking merrily on cell phones, oblivious of the fact that they are blocking people behind them. Escalators have become a plaything, to run up and down like kids, never mind who you can knock down in the bargain.

Of course, there IS nothing like queues for some. Cutting through J walkers has become the single most frustrating exercise in malls, stations and sometimes, at airports too.

There is NO consideration in people for anyone other than themselves. Naturally, there is a resulting chaos, conflict and much anger everywhere. Minds are frayed not only at the edges but from all sides.

Quantity over quality is an accepted situation. If you haven’t accepted this yet, you are in for depression and high blood pressure.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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As women, we pass through many stages before coming into our own space and being comfortable in it. Our strength lies often in being silent when we want to scream. Our strength lies in smiling when we want to bawl our eyes out. Our strength lies in pretending we didn’t see the hatred in someone’s eyes and being pleasant no matter what. Our strength lies in loving our children whether that love is returned or not. In fact, there are many relationships that we hold close because we feel the emotions.

Gradually, we begin to learn from our different reactions to different episodes in our life , until one day, we realize that we have emerged stronger and are able to smile where we cried, hug those who we know could do without us , love those who we know are never going to care as much as we do, forgive those we have hurt us and also forgive ourselves for the hurt we have wittingly or unwittingly caused others.

And we women become stronger and stronger as we start depending on ourselves instead of always looking for crutches. We learn to deal with situations independently a time to rejoice.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Disentanglement vs detachment:

In these modern times, the one person who makes practical sense in terms of interpreting old values seems to be Sadguru. The important point to note is that everything comes back to each succeeding generation in a new package, with a certain twist.

One day, I was having a discussion on attachment with my guru and telling him how I wished to be detached like sadhus like him are. And he had smiled and said,” even sadhus have attachments. I was a little thrown by that statement, purely because of my own mindset which I had cultivated by reading old texts and listening to many lectures of spiritual orators. Sometimes, introspection on some statements can fall short and belief systems formed by half knowledge.

Sadguru explains very convincingly that if you think detachment is what you are here for, you can find ways of dying right now, because you are not here to learn detachment. If you are not attached, how would you experience life, the purpose for which you were born? The reason we suffer is not due to attachment but the mind getting entangled with people, situations, and emotions.

When that happens, you cannot extricate yourself from the experience whereas the idea is to experience and move on.

We can even call it living each moment completely. And living IN the moment each minute and moving ahead with a clean slate each time and from each experience. Somewhat like the magic white board which turns white every time, after being written on in many different colors.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Sometimes, we make observations like, he or she talks too much. There are many reasons why there are some people who feel the need to talk… to fill in the long silences between people, awkward silences of discomfort. Some people try and fill up these silences to keep conversation going.

On the flip side, there are those who will just look at you but not speak. No reaction comes forth, as I mentioned this leading to the awkwardness. The psychology of the silent ones runs deep and can vary from insecurity to low self esteem to fear of saying the wrong thing; Even the fear of ostracisation self abnegation.

The good news is, public behavior and conversation is a learnt art. You can actually change your current personality to incorporate techniques which will put you in a safe zone, and, in fact, make you a confident and happy conversationalist.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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In the Indian discipline, fasting has many benefits. Many religions also advocate it as a cleanser of toxins. The benefits, however, are many if fasting extends in thought, word and deed.

Therefore, “mouna” or silence is very important. Silencing your thoughts, your speech and abstaining from toxic foods purifies the system. It purifies thoughts, exercises some measure of control over speech automatically and puts you in a placid and calm state of mind.

Children in schools should be initiated most definitely. A daily exercise of silence or chanting for a few minutes to start the day with can make a sizeable difference to those who are hyperactive. The younger generations of parents are incorporating this technique on a daily basis with positive results.

It really would be ideal to introduce parts of the earlier “Gurukul” system of holistic education to make the future generations ethically, morally, mentally, emotionally and physically strong and balanced.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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It is very easy to slip into an inertia mode if things don’t work out as you want in life, specially over a long period of time. When disappointments keep happening and hope ebbs away slowly and steadily. And ” what’s the point” becomes your theme song. And then, if you are able to pull yourself up and out of THIS frame of mind, you are truly admirable in spirit.

This is not to sit in judgement over those who find it difficult to overcome this situation. It takes a Herculean effort .

I feel that just as we look upon “annadaan”or feeding the needy as a divine service, bringing people out of their depressions is a major service. Suicides are a result of such hopeless depressions. Life is a gift but unfortunately, does not register as one to those afflicted with deep hopelessness.

If every member of a family understands the importance of this, and that if sharing and caring, this stage of depression can be averted. God’s work, for sure. And this also applies to caring for orphans and those who have strayed out of anger and frustration with life.   

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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