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Archive for the ‘compassion’ Category


Getting disturbed by anything that we don’t like and is actually happening is human nature. But everything we react negatively to is not bad for us. In fact, some of it is good for us. For example, if you are in a painful, unhappy relationship and it breaks naturally, it is, in fact, a release.

Conscious thinking keeps us abreast of such happenings and gives us the correct perspective and enables us to take a dispassionate view of every thought and happening. Conscious thought leads to conscious behavior which is more balanced than behavior dictated by the ego and defiance.

So, we look at the eye of the storm and then use our wisdom to determine its outcome that is relevant in our lives. And we will find that when storms blow over, often there is relief and peace in our lives. Every storm doesn’t have to leave us devastated.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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I have been discussing with my group about how marriages fall apart “suddenly” after 25 years and more. And I do believe that nothing happens suddenly. It is generally a long road fraught with many incompatibilities and underlying stress which is not spoken about by one or the other spouse to keep the peace in the house. One, big reason!

I think that under the obvious pattern of bitterness and blame lies a need for understanding why the distancing happens. We don’t even know when and how it starts; with a minor argument escalating into a minor war or small misunderstandings or a lack of friendship. Too much tendency to control; not enough respect? Trying to change each other; each trying to prevail over the other? Or simply not the marrying kind but forced to marry to please parents.

I feel a little disgusted when I hear parents telling their son to go ahead and be a man. In short, have a good time as long as you return to your wife. I asked one such mother, “suppose the woman you encouraged your son to philander with was YOUR daughter? The answer was so predictable. Aha! As long as it is not your daughter; doesn’t matter that the other girls are also someone’s daughters.

I know it is an old fashioned concept in the promiscuous society today. What I mean is, it is the moms who actually encourage their sons into these habits many a time.

But, coming back to breaking relationships, the now terribly obsolete theory of marriages surviving because of kids binding their parents together is more or less nonexistent.

Such sentiments have gone, never to return. Trying to put parents together is a counselor’s job. And going to a therapist is a social stigma, not to be spoken about. Many times, the husband doesn’t think HE needs it. Exactly like he doesn’t want to see a doctor when they only have daughters because it is always the woman’s fault that it is so yet; one more reason for a marriage in trouble.

And many of the reasons I have mentioned create a chain and relationships fray and fray and fray, until something just snaps one day. We call it “sudden” but is it really so sudden?

This is exactly like saying cancer happened overnight. No. It just showed up as a body manifestation overnight. It was building up for years like the lava of an active volcano.

Much introspection needed. Much conscious thought needed. Much maturity and intelligence needed.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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At the end of the day, there is only one main question that leads towards peace. “Am I ready to accept?” Also, am I able to step aside to avoid catastrophe and collusion, conflict and strife?

Someone very fiery once told me this was no way out; Seemed perturbed that I could advocate this “cowardly” path. How can you accept everything?

I don’t think it is so much a question of accepting “everything” as of being unrealistic enough not to know what is within our control and what is not. You really have no choice but to accept what is beyond your control right?

Forget huge phenomena like birth and death, even some results of your efforts are out of your hands. But what makes a positive difference is how we feel instinctively about things. What makes us uncomfortable is to be avoided because generally, it is a premonition or a warning that it may not be the wise thing to do; Feeling it in our bones, as it were.

And in such cases, it is better to avert an incoming crisis and upheaval.

But I don’t want anyone to mistake inertia for peace either. Peace may definitely be given up if it is for obtaining justice for someone. But if inertia sets in, there is no effort made and you exist like a vegetable.

These decisions of creating your own peace are also choices you make. And one of them is in favor of peace that is, accepting what you cannot change. For a huge chunk of peace, not pieces of peaceful moments.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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A strong message that we need to give people is that of recognizing the aspect of victimhood within themselves and shedding it at the earliest. When you compare yourself with others and find yourself lacking in a few things, you feel life hasn’t been fair to you. Victim of life!

When people don’t treat you well, you feel you are not wanted, Victim again; without realizing that THEY may be struggling to get out of their victimhood moments which stretch into years for many. Similarly, you see relationships falling prey. One dominant the other victim, the power play! Sensitive people often go under very quickly. And the game never stops, because one of the two is living a victim’s character.

Victimhood may be the result of many things. Low self worth, inability to derive moral and spiritual strength, depending on others for love and caring, not able to live with themselves and many more. But the bottom line is, if you sink into victimhood, you sink period. It is very difficult to come out of it. So, please don’t let anyone push you into that corner, not even your near and dear ones.

Stay wholesome people. And emerge stronger each time you face any situation. After all, who is going to accompany you out of this world? Certainly not those who were instrumental in your receding into that mode.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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There is a very wise saying in Hindi which, translated, means, and “never throw stones in still waters”. Let things be. Let sleeping dogs lie. Don’t create ripples unnecessarily, so relevant for life and attitudes of people. When things are moving smoothly, there will always be people disturbing the peace, people who get restless when there is no problem. Peaceful

Existence also becomes intolerable for some. I think peace is also a habit, like any other. There are those who can’t live any other way. But living in a world of dualities, many will spring up around you to threaten your peace.

But, I wonder if that is not too placid a way to exist. That turbulence is also required to grow. If stones are not thrown into still waters, the water may stagnate. And sometimes, when you let sleeping dogs lie, your home may be burgled.

The core issue is to know when to and when not to throw a stone.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Setting examples! The common belief is that parents and elders should set examples to their children to follow. From generation to generation, this hasn’t changed. And while that is true, many parents have to also face a lot of flak and criticism for not coming up to the mark by setting adequate examples worthy of being emulated.

In all of this, I often wonder! Are we setting good examples for ourselves first? Or is it that counseling and advising others on how to live life is easier? For sure, in most cases.

So, how do I appear to me be the moot questioned because it is only that perception which can be changed if we don’t look good to ourselves? We can’t mute that inner voice that speaks to us like we can mute a chat group with a click today.

So, it is most worthwhile to start improving our image in our own eyes and take our own advice, which we generally give others. Be your own example and let others emulate it if they so wish.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Overactive and emotionally disturbed ! Yes, the two can go hand in hand sometimes. If someone faces injustice, abuse and lack of love , emotional disturbance is a given. The point is, how to survive this feeling of being victimised for no fault of yours ? Simple ! The first choice is, DON’T accept victim-hood. I do not know if anyone who has not had people who have tried to break them down.

While some lacking courage might succumb, the fact is, to succumb to any form of injustice is as much a crime as practising it. On the other hand, those who have a distinctly defiant streak may go the other way by becoming so busy and active that they don’t focus on their emotions. But that is also a denial of a kind because whatever else you do, emotions ride with you. That is the issue.

So, being aware of this, it is better to accept and run through all the emotions one by one till they get exhausted and dissolved. Running away from them is not a permanent solution at all.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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