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Archive for the ‘pretence’ Category


This is especially for moms. Once the children fly the nest, there is a huge upheaval inside them, a deep void which very few understand unless they have gone through it themselves. Children included. It is so difficult to get into “someone else’s” shoes. Yes, I have called a mom “someone else” because she IS.

I don’t mean this in a callous way. It is an Indian thing that moms pretty much sacrifice many years in looking after the kids. I won’t say “nurturing”. Many kids don’t feel nurtured though many moms have done their best, some of them while going through hell themselves. And many moms could have done better as well as long as they don’t beat themselves up for this thought. . But “could have” is speculative.

So, to come back to the void within, it is accompanied by a lot of guilt. “Maybe, I failed in this and this…”. The “could have” syndrome! And some kids make sure they tell you. So, you are left in no doubt if you were even a little doubtful earlier. And there is always hurt…o yes! Immeasurable hurt!

So, I want to tell these moms what my guru says …when kids fly the nest, you start building one for yourself which augments other aspects of your personality which you had no time to look at or gave up out of love for kids or some other compulsions.

I believe in “alone”, not “lonely”. “Alone” carries opportunities for growth. “Lonely” lacks the ability to see those opportunities. How long will you be a conformist if it does not make you happy?

Domesticity is a long habit. It is not a bad thing. But, it is not the ONLY thing. The sooner moms realize this, the more they will be able to expand their vision and incorporate their dreams into it.

Good luck!!

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Challenges


I always say expectations, like comparisons, can turn out to be odious. But my experience has shown that presumptions are a shade worse because they anticipate an experience that may or may not happen.

So, what happens here? Suppose there is something I need to do. That action will definitely have a consequence like all actions do. But, because I might be having several mindsets or belief systems, I start to imagine the consequences of that act before the act itself is done. Actually, the consequence may have played out very differently in reality. But I don’t give it a chance. I want just the desired result of that act.

This is a typical case of wanting to control your environment. And playing out the consequences in your mind gives you some comfort, perhaps, that you will manage to achieve somewhat the desired result. A probability only. Not a certainty.

So many times, I have heard the line “if I do this that will happen.” “And happen for sure” is added. An over-the-top reaction of this kind may demonstrate an innate fear. Fear of something being taken away from you or letting things go from your hands into an unknown and non confirmative space which you are uncomfortable with. . People who steer actions with careful rigidity might be prone to such thought processes.

Actually, these are blocks which prevent expansive experiences. Like, I take a flight everywhere and hence, miss out on the beautiful countryside which I would have experienced had I motored up to my destination. But because I don’t know the roads and might have an accident, it is safe to take a flight.

So, I am already anticipating an accident that may or may not happen. Presumption that an aircraft is safer!! I have no way of knowing it IS safe, before I fly out. A presumption again!

Friends, we really miss out on so much of life by controlling our environment. And if we have family around us, we end up doing the same to them as well. I understand that everyone wants to be safe and away from harm. But to close yourself on the basis of presumptions is also not a healthy trait or practice.

Later, as adults, you see people who grow up in such conditions shrinking their minds to respond more rigidly than freely. Challenges are very essential for out -of -the – box thinking and living.

So, try new environments even for your children. Challenge them and observe their responses. Life is the biggest teacher. If you grow, the environment and people around you also grow.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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I read this very significant, in fact, revealing line the other day. “Don’t be Buddhist. Be a Buddha.” I said something similar in one of my Mumbai workshops and was accused of blasphemy. All I said was that Christ is Christ because of his qualities and each one of us can become a Christ. It is my conviction.

I wonder what happens to us when this thought is presented before us. Evidently, we think somewhere deep within us that we are capable of being followers but cannot go beyond.

Each one has a philosophy compatible for their personal journey. No harm! All roads will eventually converge into one Divine Energy, whatever be the name given to it by different religions. But where does our journey of evolution say that we cannot achieve more than merely following a group who look up to one leader? In fact, any genuine spiritual leader will also encourage only this thought, that we can all elevate our consciousness to the level of a Buddha, Krishna or Christ.

I was blessed to have a guru who said, once you reach my level, your journey is beyond me. And I have always felt that if we remain followers, it is because we never really understood nor worked enough. And, conveniently, were content to be in that space.

Before Deepavali, we clean up each corner of our homes to prepare for festivities. We allow ourselves a few days for this activity. And then we resume our daily jobs.

Imagine doing spring cleaning and removing cob webs every day from our minds!!! That constant vigilance and awareness of every little thought, every word…? Possible? Of course! But would we? We would go to the ends of the earth to earn name and fame in worldly activities. But not many see name and fame and hence, the need for this very taxing daily practice without any visible or even desired end in sight.

Returning to Buddha, we all know his story and how he achieved enlightenment. Ironically, we know he was a human being like us who, with his concentrated and single minded efforts reached his goal. I find it difficult to understand why we feel we won’t ever reach there. Even logically, this does not make sense to me, though I know this is not a subject of logic.

Where do we begin? Simply with simple meditation to reduce the useless thoughts (cobwebs) with constant practice. Pranayama and yoga to regulate breathe and focus of mind. Reduce ego and attachment. Hate the negativity in people, NOT the people who practice it because they are at that level of vibration at that point in time. (Attitude determines altitude). Exercise your choice. CHOOSE POSITIVITY. CHOOSE THE GOOD. CHOOSE SPIRITUALITY. This is the only permanent option actually. The rest is transient, misleading and therefore, damaging to the progression of the soul.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Very often, we seem to have little or no control over our thoughts. They keep coming almost like a cyclone and shake up the very core of an individual. Very few have the awareness and capacity to stop them when required, observe them and change them if and when necessary.

Sometimes, out of nowhere, some thoughts connected with old wounds surface suddenly. And then we understand that the healing is still pending. We will not get over these thoughts unless we heal them. Through understanding, love and forgiveness. What damages healing is also the intensity of negative feelings. The more intense, the less the ability to let go and more the pain and resentment.

Often, we are also so helpless with thoughts coming in. We actually believe that thoughts just come in. But from where? And do we have the power to regulate them or not? Do we KNOW we create them AND have the power to let them go, bring them in, transform the negative ones at will and by choosing the direction we want them to take? Perhaps not.

People say they tried but no resolution was found. Again, let us ask “why”. Because we insist on playing and replaying the same old “hurt” tape in our mind.

Again and again and again. We want a salutary action, a re-conciliatory action from the person who has hurt us. Right? We are unwilling to let go till this is done.

We don’t realize that WE can sort this out ourselves. Why do we need the crutch or a dependency to feel better? Or even to forgive and forget? Come on! Resolve the hurt yourself. Because you CHOSE to get hurt. Right? So, why expect someone else to solve YOUR issue, created by YOU?

We need to get out of the mode of “approval seeking” and emotional dependence. We want to belong somewhere, lean on someone because we don’t know how to live with people AND be independent. We keep loaning or giving away our precious energy to them.

The help we expect from others can be easily done through self counseling because at the end of the day, it is OUR ego that initiates the hurt. So, with counseling the ego, it is possible to heal it and even smile at what we realize now, was utter foolishness on our part.

Simple, my dear Watson! How can anyone hurt me if I don’t WANT to get hurt?

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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There is great joy in recognizing that things happen just at the right time, not OUR right time but its own right time. When things happen, they happen like magic. If we stop expecting and suffering in anticipation.

Look back and think when this may have happened in your life. Your wish list has many items on hold. Not happening. And suddenly, without notice, one of them just fructifies and leaves you breathless and amazed!

If you want to keep your excitement in life, just keep working to fulfill as many items on your wish list as possible. And enjoy the ones that happen. Leave the rest without hankering after them.

I learnt this from my games apps that I play. I spend days and months to complete one level. And suddenly, a single try on one particular day and hey presto! I have done that level!!!

It is the excitement of the journey that will take you forward. You inevitably will go on to the next level and the same sense of fun starts all over again.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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At the start of the year, you should resolve to defeat your karma as the chief resolution. Sounds strange, right? How that is possible is the immediate thought. I love to quote the story of Savitri and Satyavaan in which Savitri brought her dead husband back to life from the possession of Yama, the God of death.

Symbolically and otherwise, the one aspect visible in this story is that with courage and passion, anything is possible. And that’s why I say, if that karma was defeated, all karma can be defeated.

How?

That you have to experience the consequences of your past karma is a reality. But HOW you choose to do so is a decision that lies squarely in your court. You can either transform the experience into a new beginning or cry all the way.

The beauty of life is, even if you do not get what you wanted in one or two aspects of life, there are many other aspects available to develop because we are very vast beings, connected to a very large canvas of energy. Why do we need to limit ourselves?

You know, I have seen many people go to a multiplex, only to find the movie they wanted to see showing a houseful board but they look at other options and find the best one under the circumstances. Why? Because they had made up their minds to see a movie that day.

Isn’t life somewhat similar? So, maybe, I wanted to be a doctor but ended up being a pharmacist. Maybe, I badly wanted kids but could not have them. So, I decided to adopt one. Or maybe, I wanted the proverbial perfect marriage but circumstances were not perfect and I decided to develop other talents I had. And kept my friendship going with the spouse. Positivity all the way…

The moment you click on the “options” button, you see a drop down menu with a wide range of choices and if you are a positive, die hard kind of a person, some options will definitely engage your mind and imagination.

 Hey, after all, we are in this world for a specific period of time. There is no time to cry over anything. Instead, whatever karma is unfolding before you in your life is only giving you a chance to turn to other activities which are waiting to be explored and can be brought within your reach with enough passion and a desire to make good your life.

So, you have a Rukmini Devi starting to learn Bharatnatyam at 30 years of age and you have a Kalakshetra in Chennai as an evidence of her passion for the art. Look around and many such legends can be seen.

So, karma resolution through transformation is very doable. Just don’t let yourself go down with self pity and don’t let yourself sink into the illusion of darkness…for, that’s all it is an illusion…there is nothing like darkness. It is the absence of light that we call darkness. Light is the only reality.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Karma Theory


When Lord Krishna returned home after the battle of Mahabharata, his wife Rukmani confronted him “How could you be party to the killing of Guru Drona and Bheeshma, who were such righteous people and had a lifetime of righteousness behind them.”

Initially Lord Krishna avoided her questions but when she did not relent, he replied “No doubt they had a lifetime of rightousness behind them but they both had committed one single sin that destroyed all their lifetime of righteousness”

Rukmani asked “And what was that sin?”

Lord Krishna replied “They were both present in the court when a lady (Draupadi) was being disrobed and being elders they had the authority to stop it but they did not. This single crime is enough to destroy all righteousness of this world”

Rukmani asked “But what about Karna? He was known for his charity. No one went emptyhanded from his doorstep. Why did you have him killed?”

Lord Krishna said “No doubt Karna was known for his charity. He never said ‘No’ to anyone who asked him for anything. But when Abhimanyu fell after successfully fighting an army of the greatest warriors and he lay dying, he asked for water from Karna who stood nearby. There was a puddle of clean water where Karna stood but not wanting to annoy his friend Duryodhan, Karna did not give water to a dying man. In doing so his charity of a lifetime was destroyed. Later in battle, it was the same puddle of water in which the wheel of his chariot got stuck and he was killed.”

Understand that your one act of injustice can destroy your whole life of honesty.This story is great example of Karma Theory in Path to Prosperity. So let’s create any Karma with Awareness what is righteous.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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