Posts Tagged ‘Compassionate’

I have to hand it to some people. They are so “holier than thou” and so self-righteous, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. And honesty? Wow! They truly excel at it. They are so eager to tell you everything that is wrong with you and about you. Be it men or women, dare you feel bad about anything on your own and deprive people of their little piece of vicarious pleasure while they make comments and indulge in “free” advice!  For example, put on weight, folks, but wait for the “honest” opinions about the bulk you have added on to come in before you actually begin to feel low. “You have really put on weight”, they say with such a straight face!Familiarity? No. Anything but that! This comes from people who are mere acquaintances but feel they have the birth right to comment on you freely, to watch your reactions and have a laugh at your expense.. Of course, if this doesn’t kill you with frustration, guilt or anger, it will only end up making you strong enough to make a “tongue in cheek” retort. Instead of turning the other cheek in true “martyr” style.


As children, when we were taught manners, we were told we must never ask a woman her age and a man how much he earns. It was not “graceful” or polite to do so. I think it definitely had something to do with being sensitive to the feelings of others. But as we grew up, other areas of life started coming within the purview of “grace” if its connotation is sensitivity to others.


Actually, it struck me some time ago that we are very self-absorbed and not very sporting (unless we are watching cricket or tennis on the television) and therefore, putting others down makes us feel somewhat superior. What a pathetic way to feel so! But do we care? It is all about making “me” feel good, however temporarily.  Tragically, I have seen people hiding huge skeletons in their emotional cupboards by targeting the weaknesses and misfortunes of others. There is seldom any remorse or introspection because the alternate prospect of facing their true selves is frightening.


We all have opinions about each other but the wise speak with care and non-judgmentally. Familiarity implies caring and compassion, not the right to say anything you like to anyone and every one. Whether the bonds are thin or thick, gracelessness is always gracelessness under any garb and any circumstances. It only demonstrates the negative persona of the one who practices it.


I have noticed that if there is no grace at home, there isn’t any outside either. As they say, charity begins at home and this applies to everything. Habits are formed early in life. Grace, consideration, politeness, respect are a part of learned behavior. So, either it is taught, learned by observation or the hard way, through experience.


I think it is very essential to remember not to “cross the line” in any relationship to preserve its sanctity while we focus on thinking, speaking and acting as we would like others to do unto us.


Surekha Kothari          



Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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I find that after I became a therapist, one of the very subtle learning that I have had is the interpretation of the broad spectrum words “Sensitive” and “compassionate”. We generally applaud a person for being sensitive because we are automatically attributing the quality of compassion. This is not wrong when it comes to being sensitive to others. We do empathize with people and even feel some of the pain they go through.

Having said this, when people are sensitive within themselves, that may be another story. This group of “sensitive” people can have a very fragile ego and an pile up emotional scars and wounds frequently on themselves. “Feeling bad” often and looking for approval and endorsements of who they are can be the basic trait of many people who claim to be sensitive. These people are also low on self worth and self esteem due to the fact that they get their identity from others. There is possibly a void within which is only filled by others liking them or approving them.

These kind of people are always going out of their way to doing things for people without really being asked and out of an expectation that they will be tagged as “good”. Most important, in relying on others, they have given away their energy to others and also consequently, given away their power to others. To have a consistent relationship with these kind of people is a challenge. They can be mercurial and highly unpredictable.

As a healer, I want to tell these people that recognition and approval of the self that comes from within is the right one. Every soul is on its own journey with its own karmic issues looking for a resolution to move forward and evolve. Getting stuck with other souls on this earth can stunt personal growth and evolution and what they have come to achieve in this lifetime may not be achieved.

This shift can happen only with a personal awareness and acceptance that this needs a change and must be changed. Only we can help ourselves.

Surekha Kothari

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